The Fog (2005)

Sarah hadn't seen this movie yet. However, I (Jasmyn) actually saw this in theaters with my mom and aunt, because the three of us thought Tom Welling was the hottest thing to come into existence since the sun. But here's a Fun Fact: He's not worth seeing this.



Directed by: Rupert Wainwright (Stigmata, MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This" video)
Starring: Tom Welling, Maggie Grace and Selma Blair
Plot Summary: "Is their go-to thing, 'Okay, we don't have a plot, so let's show a picture of the water?'"

Within the first minute -- the FIRST MINUTE -- I was laughing and Sarah was screaming, "This is so bad!" It starts out with something vaguely resembling backstory, then transitions into a shot of the water with Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" playing over it. WTF?! Never mind the fact that this is the only pop song in the entire movie, and therefore sticks out like a sore thumb before you even realize you're not going to hear any more of this music. It's nowhere near the biggest problem.

Observations Made As We Watched:
--"Did he just say the fog couldn't get in the freezer?"
--"Not enough people have died yet."
--"Is the fog going to drive the truck now?"
--"What the f***?!"

"I don't understand who we're supposed to care about in this movie."

Tom Welling covers the "strong guy" role decently. We all know Selma Blair doesn't get the greatest roles, even though she's been in the game for 15 years. But Maggie Grace, who plays the completely disinteresting protagonist, Elizabeth, is like a soggy loaf of bread. There's not a single actor in this movie who seems to have been hired exclusively for their talent, but she was the worst. If you make a terrible movie with terrible dialogue recited by actors who can't make you care, there's nothing to watch.

There are ghosts of murdered people from yesteryear coming out of the fog to wreak vengeance on the descendants of the people who murdered them. A good concept? Yes. This could've been a wonderfully creepy ghost story. But it wasn't. The plot of this movie is incomprehensible, especially because of the ending that completely destroys whatever sense the movie was attempting to make.

The Best Part: We watched a DVRed episode of Jeopardy after the credits rolled to get some brain cells back.

The Worst Part: Everything involving Elizabeth, which was basically the whole plot.

This was the worst movie Sarah has seen thus far, and almost the worst I've ever seen (there's another dumbf*** horror movie taking its place for #1, which we will review in the future).
For being a rancid piece of meat that was marinated in cat piss, we give this movie an F.

PS: Sarah has been screaming "WHY WAS IT SO BAD?!" for the past hour.

(Poster and trailer © MGM Studios, Inc.)